Avatar Posted by scrappysmom 19 days ago (Question)
My son will be 21 in March; he was a foster child who came to us when he was 10 mo.; severe physical abuse; it took to he almost 5 for adoption to be final. His IQ tests were fairly high, but as he became older, he refused to do work in & out of class. We divoced when he was 13. He dropped out of school @ 16. Went to work where dad worked. Lived with him for about a year (I told him he couldn't stay if he wouldn't follow my rules-his response was "f*** you and f*** your rules). I let him move back in with the understanding that he would pay $350/mo. & 1/3 utilities (his girl friend lived there, too - story another time.) He paid 1 mo. rent in Aug. 2007. That's the background.

He worked 9 mo. during all this time and paid rent 1 month. I helped him get 2 cars; tools, parts, etc. Lent him my Blazer, which he has trashed; cig. money, gas...the list goes on & on. I can't say no for fear of his reaction; 7 holes in the walls, 3 doors with holes & 3 door frames torn up. Lots of other stuff torn up, trashed, stolen,etc. I have mentioned him moving out & he goes crazy telling me I can't, he's a tenant and I have to give him 30 days and he would make my life a living hell those 30 days.I have asked him as a mom to son "this isn't working for either one of us" (did I mention he has not worked fo 14 mo.) I can't carry him any more. I'm on longterm disability due to a spinal surgery that didn't work. I've drained my savings. My IRA is no more. yet he is still here with his 2 dogs-1 is a Jack Russel and the other is a Rottweiller. Guess who feeds them?
i AM AT MY WITS END. I want him out, but he guilt trips me about how I'm no mother, how lazy I am, I can't kick him out. The verbal abuse is awful. My dog (doxie) & I stay in my room with door closed to avoid contact with him. I don't know how to save my sanity any more. Help!!!


Answers

Written by bellacutie 18 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think kicking someone out should always be the last option, but in your case I think it applies. I think you're going to need the police to help you, escort him from your house. You then need to have the locks changed because I think he's a danger to you- you may even need to file a restraining order. If he only paid 1 month rent then he's not a tenant at all. This is a matter of survival for you financially and emotionally. This must be very hard and I sympathize with you. Best of luck, Bella

Written by lmclorrie 17 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think that kicking one of your kids out is the last thing on the list of things to do but in this situation, I think it would be better. It's going to be hard but you need to kick him out before something happens. You are already hurt enough from your surgery, he shouldn't be treating you that way. Hope this helps. Take Care. Hope everything gets better.

~Lorrie~

Written by kimmik 16 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Mom ,

You know what you have to do,as painful as it is. I too, asked my son at 19 to leave the house. In the past 4 years,he has had his ups and downs, but he is learning about life and surviving and growing up. Something he was not doing at home.

Good luck, Kim

Written by tiptonits 16 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

There is no ONE answer when it comes to raising kids - but I would like to share my situation with you. I have a set of twin daughters that are 28, one of them is married, the other lives at home with me. She works, pays her own bills and helps out around the house and cooks dinner. But I promise you, if she ever tore up anything in that house - she would be out of there in a flash. If he is brave enough to punch holes in the walls/doors - you could be next. Not only should you kick him out - you need to consider a restaining order against him. Just my thoughts - but I think you are in danger.

Good luck and God Bless,

~~Lee


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