I recently just had my last day of high school, I'm a senior, and I feel really horrible. For starters, these past 4 years have been the worst of my life. During high school, I had no friends, joined no clubs or activities, and no girlfriend. I don't know why I didn't have any friends, I was sort of a social phobic and had no self esteem. This left me alone for these 4 years but it didn't really bother me until now. Also, I had a major crush on this girl who was in my class last year. Other than a few conversations, we never really talked or knew each other well, but I have an overwhelming desire to be with her. I planned on telling her flat out how I felt on my last day, but I couldn't do it. Now I feel extremely depressed and lonely. I'm going off to college next year and I feel even worse b/c the people who I knew in school I'll never see again, even my crush. I don't know what to do, I feel like crap and I have suicidal thoughts. I have no motivation and lost the will to live.
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Answers
The end of the school year is often like this for students (and even for teachers) -- your year is so structured and busy for so long, and then suddenly there are seemingly endless unstructured days stretched out before you... It takes a while for the mind to adjust. Luxuriating in your free time and finding some things you enjoy should come next. Sleeping late, lazy summer days -- there are some things to appreciate if you can turn your attention to things that give you pleasure. One stressful point is your concerns for the future. Rest assured that nearly 100% of people say that their college experience was very different from their high school experience. College is a much bigger world and there are people of every kind there, so you can find your "tribe." The initial days or months are confusing and busy, but you will start to meet people who like the same things you do -- video games, books, movies, anime, comics, various kinds of entertainment -- whichever you like, there will be others to share it. Just be as outgoing as you can, because other people are shy as well and really appreciate it if you help make things less difficult. I think you'll find the people from high school, whom you weren't that close to (and therefore you didn't have that much in common with) fade away. It's probably a good thing you didn't reveal your thoughts to the girl you liked. The best way is to have things like that gradually come out over a long period of hanging out and getting to know each other; otherwise it's awkward and puts the person on the spot. You might feel uncomfortable or embarrassed now, and that's a hard thing to go through a summer feeling! Please do not despair; this is often a tough transition, but many many people have made it through these feelings and had a great time in college, and you can too. If you have a way of making contact with others in your town who'll be going to the same college in the fall, that might be a way of setting your sights ahead and helping build the bridge to the next year. The college might be able to give you names. One thing to remember is that being sociable is something that improves and feels better with practice, like lifting weights. The research shows that people generally feel better when they've been hanging out with others, even -- this is crucial and surprising! -- even introverts who predict that they won't feel better. So start taking small steps to be a little more sociable, and they will build on themselves. You might find that David Burns' book "The New Mood Therapy" is helpful as well -- it addresses some issues that I don't have time to discuss, and talks about his experience as a socially phobic young man and how he became self-assured. The very best of luck to you.
Hi there Rocker!
Have you thought about doing something else to fill your time?
You mention the school stuff, yet I didnt see anything else other than school. You could be experiencing Avoidant Personality Disorder, and/or you could just not have found your niche yet.
Going to college should help you as well. Do find yourself trying your darnedst to make friends, and believe in yourself and your capabilities.
Best,
Clyde
High school is a nightmare for most people, as it was for me as well. I was so glad when I got out, I never looked back, I only kept 2 friends from there. College is completely different, you will make friends that are on the same level you are, as well as friends who will challenge you to discover new ideas and ways of viewing the world. I hope you do not follow through with suicide because things will get better once you go to college. You will see how when you get older you won't have bad feelings about yourself anymore! I know because I went through the same thing. Most importantly talk with your family about your feelings, they can give you some advice too.
take care! and good luck in college.
p.s. there are a lot of sweet girls in college too ;-)