This is kind of long but I don't know what I am dealing with here. I cheated on my husband 1 time about 5 yrs. ago. I know I am not a cheater never have been never want to again ( yes I was in a depressed/bipolar/ocd state of mind and no I am not blaming the illnesses but at that time I only knew for sure I had OCD and although I now know it was bipolar as well I wasn't diagnosed then.) I told my husband and he (thank God) forgave me but told me he didn't want any extra "details" so I only told him what he asked me. Throughout the years because of my ocd, bipolar etc. I keep trying to "confess" different things because I feel so guilty and sad cause I realized how much I hurt him. He has told me he doesn't want to hear anymore period! So I keep my mouth shut now I just talk to my Therapist and friends. My problem is with the obsessing....I know I never loved this other person and have come to realize he had been manipulating me ( I was depressed and such and he knew I was married) That isn't my point. Somewhere in my mind (I wasn't focused mind you) I knew this other guy never intended to stay with me and he (the other guy) was the one who actually suggested I go talk with my husband about what ever issues we were having (but of course he didn't want me to mention any of the cheating stuff to my husband but I did anyway!) My problem is I KNOW I truly love my husband with all my heart and would NEVER do that again! If this "other guy" hadn't suggested me talk to my hubby, would I have went off with this other guy, if this other guy gave me the chance to, even though I didn't love him but I didn't realize it then?(Because he was playing on my feelings). And I obsess constantly and worry about this. I realized a little later on from this "incident" I always loved my husband and would do anything for him and my kids. But this whole obsession (the story I told above) is brand new after almost 5 years. I never recall having it before and my husband obviously doesn't want to hear it anymore. Because of my illnesses I keep thinking every "obsession" is real cause I feel so bad about it! Any suggestions? Also I did back then talk to my husband to see if he wanted to divorce me and this was a short bit after the "other guy" was gone. Also I must add I wasn't even around "the other guy" much at all it wasn't like it was along affair or anything it was like a 2 week period and we didn't talk all the time. I also know for sure the "cheating thing" would never have happened had the "other G" not kept persuing me in the 1st place. I know I would Not ever have persued him sick or not! I am sorry if this is not understandable but if you can understand what I wrote what do you think?
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Answers
Hi! Did you ever really figure out WHY you were unfaithful? Perhaps you are going through similar issues now, and you have an internal fear that you will do it again, thus the thoughts you're having, the reminder.
I suggest covering this with your therapist, and find out what it is your present relationship is missing, while you still have the chance to fix it.
good wishes
drjean
When you find the (NON-EXISTANT) magic pill Please let me know!
I have obsessive compulsive disorder and bipolar disorder (which I have had for years but it was just recently confirmed). The issue is in NO WAY do I want to do it again,NOR do I feel I will. The whole thought of it LITERALLY makes me SICK is how I know this. Also the realization I was truly in love with my husband. YES we have troubles but we are taking it 1 day at a time and I have NEVER been one to do that to anybody! I know they say it hurts the spouse the most and I think it does but for all the "heck" I put him and my family through, through the years (even before this) with my "mental Illness" It has literally Broken me and I am constantly striving to get better. So to answer your question: My therapist believes I am just having a very hard time truly accepting my "illness" and "forgiving myself" because she sees how bad I feel. And personally I don't know if I will EVER be able to forgive me because I never "learned" how. Also I was very vulnerable and this "guy" was taking advantage of that vulnerability because somehow he knew I was depressed! But even then I blame me! So if you think I am worried about "doing it again" THINK AGAIN! I have lived through the hell my brain provides for me every day and I bend over backwords for my kids and husband! I DO LOVE THEM....but yes this disease does make me feel like they deserve better sometimes and that I can't help so I am doing what I can working with my therapist and taking my meds and if anyone thinks it can't ever happen to them ill or not think again. There are a lot of Snakes out there in the world that will prey on you and somehow "know" when you are not on your toes! By the way are you a real DR DRJEAN??????? You'll have to excuse me for being rude but I am in a bad state right now and I have a problem w/hating myself for what I did 5 years agoto someone I am more in love with than b4!
Hello there,
I dont understand completely...are you obsessing because it happened?
There is not much you could do, other than discuss that with your therapist, as your husband does not want to hear it.
Please dont beat yourself up about it. You do appear to just have done it that once, and seriously want to stay with your husband.
Talk to your T about this as well--perhaps this well help you also.
Best,
Clyde