My boyfriend is going through a very long divorce. Even though he tries to help and listen to my requests, I find myself becoming more and more depressed over the how long the divorce is taking and the possibility of him paying alimony to his ex wife. I understand that I will have to accept certain things but I feel like it will take away all our choices moving forward. He won't be able to move or get a different job depending on how much he will have to pay her. I feel like she is controlling my life. I would like to have a family and because I'm a bit older I am not comfortable with waiting too long so I feel that this choice will be decided for me. What can I do to try and cope with all this as its happening.
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Answers
Thanks for the answers and links...they are very helpful. I have discussed this at length with my boyfriend and he suggested seeing a therapist which I had thought alot about and I am now doing. I hope it will help but it is still a struggle. My main issue is watching him stumble through the divorce and trying to bite my tongue when he is making some big mistakes. I know I have no business getting involved and can only be supportive but it is hard when the outcome will directly affect my future. I have no ill will with his ex wife but I also don't wanting him giving away everything just to be the nice guy or to make things easier on her. After all what about making things a little easier for me too. We talk alot about my feelings on this and I just feel like he takes the easy way out too often by giving into her wild demands. Another two weeks to a mediation date and this will be a big turning point. I want to see how he handles her demands...if I don't agree with his decisions I know it may be time to move on.
this is a difficult time for you and him it can be time consuming and so forth divorce is not meant to be easy but you have to be supportive and he should do the same for you talk to him see if that helps
Hi there...
Have you discussed this with him? I am not saying you have or haven't, but I do notice a lot of the people who do ask these questions are the same ones who do not communicate their feelings to those who are most important to them in their lives.
If you have discussed this to him, what does he think about it?
I know you don't want to sit around and wait for it to happen, but as far as the divorce part of it goes, that is about all you can do, sadly.
Here are some links that may help--they apply more to your boyfriend, but you may find some usefulness in them...please be sure to discuss stuff with him, if you havent.
Best of luck,
Clyde
LINKS:
http://www.divorcehope.com/helpingfriendthroughdivorce.htm
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/help_child_divorce.html (this one is for kids, but it still has some good advice)
http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200003/054_helping_divorced.cfm
http://fatherhood.about.com/cs/divorceddads/a/helping_divorce.htm
http://ezinearticles.com/?Helping-Your-Child-Through-Your-Divorce&id=1082002