I am 21 years old and as of very recently I've discovered I am an addict. I used weed every day for about 3 and a half years up until very recently and have been "clear-headed" for the past 2 weeks. It helps that I am in a new location, one that I like and satisfies my needs better. I am living with my mother for the next 2 months who disapproves of recreational drug use, and all my friends here don't smoke weed.
My friends here do, however, drink like fishes and so do I. I know I have a drinking problem because I don't remember the last time I went an entire week not drinking.
I just met a potential partner who used to be an addict and successfully completed rehab a year and a half ago and has been clean ever since. He drinks a lot, though.
I am just wondering if I should be in a relationship with him. More in fear of him exhibiting "typical addict behavior" and becoming angry or abusive toward me than the fact that it will probably exacerbate by own problem. It seems like he's learned a lot about life and how to live it the right way and that he could teach me something.
If we both sought alcohol help would it be better? I just am so smitten by him but despise denial so I am hoping to get some insight.
My friends here do, however, drink like fishes and so do I. I know I have a drinking problem because I don't remember the last time I went an entire week not drinking.
I just met a potential partner who used to be an addict and successfully completed rehab a year and a half ago and has been clean ever since. He drinks a lot, though.
I am just wondering if I should be in a relationship with him. More in fear of him exhibiting "typical addict behavior" and becoming angry or abusive toward me than the fact that it will probably exacerbate by own problem. It seems like he's learned a lot about life and how to live it the right way and that he could teach me something.
If we both sought alcohol help would it be better? I just am so smitten by him but despise denial so I am hoping to get some insight.
A place to come to ask and answer questions from others on mental health and relationship issues.
Copyright © 1992-2008 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Answers
I'm afraid the answer may not be a simple one. It sounds as if, though he's not using drugs, he's still got an alcohol problem. Since you say you have alcohol issues (and I'd bet you know what you're talking about and you're right), that might make you both "compatible" -- if two people with alcohol issues are a good combination. There's the danger that despite your good intentions, your habits could just feed off each other. But I think the larger answer is that you can't rely on anyone else, this guy or any guy, to help you make the move toward a healthier, addiction-free lifestyle. Your own recovery is complicated enough without someone else's recovery and relationship issues thrown in; and his own recovery will be complicated enough without yours. If you're thinking of getting involved with this guy, you should be looking at the things you'd look for in any healthy relationship. If he were still the way he is right now in five years, would you want him? Is he emotionally mature? Do you have the same values? Would you trust him to take care of a child? (Even if there's no child in the plans, this is often a helpful question to consider.) It will take time to get to know him, and even if you're compatible in the beginning, six months or so to get past the honeymoon stage, where the real issues start showing up. So take it slowly and don't leap into anything you can't get out of. Meanwhile you can be working on your own recovery -- in AA? Or another program? If your recovery isn't tied to his, it will be a lot less vulnerable. And whether he respects your efforts at recovery will tell you a lot about whether he's a good match for you.
Hi there...
I do think it would be a good idea to go seek alcohol help with him if he is still doing it. He could be a good influence for you. Even if he goes back on, later on--which I hope is not the case--he could help set you up with people and ways to take better care of yourself.
I can understand being upset/worried about denial. Life is that way...we get upset/worried because we do want that thing or that lifestyle, or we know that we should not have it, either way...but we know we need to make ourselves better.
I think you do know the answer.
Best,
Clyde