I am convinced that i have OCD, but no one believes me. My family thinks i'm just exaggerating, and my therapist is only beginning to believe me. I tell my therapist about it every time i see her, and she said the things i do are 'very OCD'. I have to constantly bold my writing, close doors numerous times, put things back a certain amount of times, align random objects that i notice aren't straight in my room, among many other things i don't have time to write down. She says however, that i have to try and stop doing these things and if i can't we'll have to get more serious. I try and stop, but the urge to carry out these habits is sometimes too strong, and it's very frustrating. I don't want to come out and ask her to put me on some sort of medication, because i don't want her thinking I'm just looking to have something wrong with me or that I'm just being a hypochondriac or that i want to be on medicine, because truthfully, I'm afraid of being on medicine. But I'm so confused and i don't know what to do. Please help!
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Answers
Hi Idaho,
It's not easy..I know.
A lot of people have said to me "Well if you
realize you're doing it, then just stop." By the way, those people are all related to me in some way, so that hurts even more. It's just mot that easy. I takes planning, and focus, to first be able to realize that you're doing it, which is not easy..because you have to kind of pull yourself out of 'the moment' and separate yourself from what's going on around you and in your head. I'll tell you, I've been like this for years, but there are a lot of things about myself that I need to change, and this was the least of them.
I knew, that in order to save myself, and not have to seek outside help (just because I'm stubborn, I guess) I'd have to find out what is the opposite behavior, to the behavior I exhibit, when I'm stuck (in the moment'.) When I got that information, I wrote it down and I said to myself, "If I become aware that I am extra critical of my handwriting and I just have to do it over, I'm going to look at it from an outside perspective. I'm going to ask myself if a boss would accept it or find it messy. If my answer is the boss will accept it, but I'd rather have all my curly cursive writing ever swirlier..or somehow 'better' than I will stop myself.
No matter how hard it is, to put that paper in my boss's mail box, knowing it could be 'prettier' I will stop myself from changing it. I will be tough."
That's what I say to myself, and it works. Now...I've come a long way, and dealt with a lot of things in my life.
The fact that I may have post traumatic stress disorder, may
prove that the part of the disorder which allows me to separate from myself and be 'on the outside' my be a tool I'm using to aid me in this. I'm not sure. This method, I'm sure, will not 'click' with everyone out there. If it doesn't work for you, it's just because we're all as different as little snowflakes, and you may simply need a different approach. I'm not 'all better' yet. I still struggle a bit. I only have fixed the paperwork aspect of it so far. I have a long way to go. I'd love to hear if this works for you, and if not, maybe what will 'click' with you. will also 'click' with my mind on the other aspects of my OCD. Please share what you come up with. I'd love to know.
:) Tara
Idaho,
I know it's hard, but I think a great way to help yourself
will be to begin creating new habits, to break the old.
I have a different kind of OCD, and that's what I have to do.
My condition causes me to do the same thing over and over until perfection. Even when it's perfect, I find something else wrong with it, so I just trash it and give up, after all the time I've spent. It's very distressing.
When I began to realize what it was, I made a list of all the things I do that I dislike, and beside them, I wrote their opposites. It's been helping me a lot. I was finally able to do my paperwork, which I was incredibly behind on and everything. I had been completing my paperwork, and then re-doing it until my writing was perfect, and then getting annoyed because it was never 'good enough' to turn in, so I'd just trash it. My boss was so mad, cause she wasn't receiving it. It's been working out for me now. Give it a try, maybe it can help you, too. Good luck. :)
Sunny
Thank you everyone for answering. I am trying to help myself from carrying out my habits, i just don't know what to do. Thinking back on it when i'm calm, i say to myself 'why don't i just stop myself?', but when i'm about to carry out the action, i can't help myself.
Idaho, I know how terrible frustrating it is when no one believes you. Why don't you write down all your symptoms- writing bold, tidying up, etc- then tell someone? You may have already tried this, but if you keep pushing the matter to be talked about, sooner or later, someone'll have to listen. Sit your family/friends down to talk, tell them how you feel and how you truly believe you have OCD.
Try getting a journal to write all your feelings and symptomes down in. Talk to your therapist on how it'd be best to calm your sypmtoms down.
Good luck,
Leanne
Hi Idaho! It surely is indeed a horrible situation trying to get others to see how you feel you really are.
Your T mentions that she feels that you need to stop doing these things--could you write a journal or discuss with her how to stop doing the OCD behaviors?
You could explain to her, like in a menu or chart or list:
I do this:
1) Write boldy on everything--why?
2) I rearrange things--why?
etc...and then perhaps you can find a way to eliminate one or two or work on them more?
Even if you cannot find a way to work on them better, at least, hopefully it can put you and your T better together on the same page.
Best of luck,
Clyde
Oh Idaho, I wish that the people in your life were more
supportive of you. I think your dr. just wants to see
if some of your symptoms can be dealt w/ w/o medication or
behavior modification therapy. I wish you the best of luck
and remember you have a whole supportive network right here.
idaho, it surely must be frustrating to think you are shouting for help and no one is listening. But I do think that others are listening, and you need to try and listen to them better.
There are other ways to work with this type of behavior rather than go straight to medication. Are you only wanting medication, and not willing to try, work very hard at, countering it without medicine?
I'm sorry that you are confused, and hope that you can find a way to work with your therapist in this. Why not talk to your T about ways to do this? Perhaps you could keep a journal of what urges you have, date and time, and how many times you counter it (didn't act on the urge) etc. This way, both you and your T will be able to see better just what you are going through.
tc
drjean