This is kind of long but I don't know what I am dealing with here. I cheated on my husband 1 time about 5 yrs. ago. I know I am not a cheater never have been never want to again ( yes I was in a depressed/bipolar/ocd state of mind and no I am not blaming the illnesses but at that time I only knew for sure I had OCD and although I now know it was bipolar as well I wasn't diagnosed then.) I told my husband and he (thank God) forgave me but told me he didn't want any extra "details" so I only told him what he asked me. Throughout the years because of my ocd, bipolar etc. I keep trying to "confess" different things because I feel so guilty and sad cause I realized how much I hurt him. He has told me he doesn't want to hear anymore period! So I keep my mouth shut now I just talk to my Therapist and friends. My problem is with the obsessing....I know I never loved this other person and have come to realize he had been manipulating me ( I was depressed and such and he knew I was married) That isn't my point. Somewhere in my mind (I wasn't focused mind you) I knew this other guy never intended to stay with me and he (the other guy) was the one who actually suggested I go talk with my husband about what ever issues we were having (but of course he didn't want me to mention any of the cheating stuff to my husband but I did anyway!) My problem is I KNOW I truly love my husband with all my heart and would NEVER do that again! If this "other guy" hadn't suggested me talk to my hubby, would I have went off with this other guy, if this other guy gave me the chance to, even though I didn't love him but I didn't realize it then?(Because he was playing on my feelings). And I obsess constantly and worry about this. I realized a little later on from this "incident" I always loved my husband and would do anything for him and my kids. But this whole obsession (the story I told above) is brand new after almost 5 years. I never recall having it before and my husband obviously doesn't want to hear it anymore. Because of my illnesses I keep thinking every "obsession" is real cause I feel so bad about it! Any suggestions? Also I did back then talk to my husband to see if he wanted to divorce me and this was a short bit after the "other guy" was gone. Also I must add I wasn't even around "the other guy" much at all it wasn't like it was along affair or anything it was like a 2 week period and we didn't talk all the time. I also know for sure the "cheating thing" would never have happened had the "other G" not kept persuing me in the 1st place. I know I would Not ever have persued him sick or not! I am sorry if this is not understandable but if you can understand what I wrote what do you think?
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Answers
(((Angel)))
I am glad too. It surely must be a sign then :)
God Bless,
Clyde
Hi Angel,
To me, if you have already told him previously about the affair and he doesnt want "any extra details," I would not tell him the rest then.
Of course, I cannot profess that I speak for the whole male human race, but I do feel that if you bring it up again, it might just bring up issues of his worries about the past, and him worrying that you dont want to let it go, which you seem to do--so I would let it be for the time being.
Best,
Clyde
Thank you Clyde. I don't think I would have gone with the other guy anyway it's just when these "newer" obsessions come up they have a way of playing tricks on me! Like I said I love my husband and the only reason I (alone I don't bug him about it) obsess about it is because I truly feel sorry and guilty and ashamed for all of it even if it wasn't (totally me). I think for some reason the lord above may have given me this 2nd chance somehow knowing I wasn't myself then. That's the only way I can explain it I guess! Thank you for answering me honestly I do appreciate it. Thanks so much!
Angell
Hi Angel...
You might of went off with him...it sounds to me like you really do want you and your husbands relationship to work, but that it is missing something...usually those who run off to search for another partner are either scum (which I dont feel you are) or are looking for something to replace something they dont have (which I feel you are).
What do you think?
Best,
Clyde
Clyde,
I know for sure in my heart after almost 5 years past this "episode", I truly love my husband and could NEVER put me or him through that again! But I really don't know what I was thinking then at all! Should I let it go or tell my husband? Because yes, I still feel guilty, but I told him about me cheating but never mentioned "that" part of it because this is a new obsession, yet he doesn't want to hear anything about it anymore and I quite frankly don't want to deal with it anymore either! I just want to be with my husband w/out all this obsessing! But at the same time I don't want to be unfair to him. After the whole small "incident" was over w/the other guy I did realize I loved my husband but I also did talk divorce with him at that time because I wanted him to be with me only if he wanted to...but I never did bring up this new obsession (like I said before, because it is new now.) Am I being fair to my husband, who I do love? And is saying anything really worth it? When I am totally confused by my thoughts and actions from back then?
Hello there,
I dont understand completely...are you obsessing because it happened?
There is not much you could do, other than discuss that with your therapist, as your husband does not want to hear it.
Please dont beat yourself up about it. You do appear to just have done it that once, and seriously want to stay with your husband.
Talk to your T about this as well--perhaps this well help you also.
Best,
Clyde
Clyde I suppose my basic question is this......."If this "other guy" hadn't suggested me talk to my hubby, would I have went off with this other guy, if this other guy gave me the chance to, even though I didn't love him but I didn't realize it then?" Thankyou for your help. Angell197596