Hello,

Ok, so I read elikkem's post from 2 days ago. I'm sure most of you are familiar w/it, but if not: http://answers.psychcentral.com/RelationshipsandSex/are-there-women-who-dislikehate-sex-1/

It really got me thinking...enough so that I even created an account @ AVEN. Thanks Bella, for putting their link up (it's the middle one). I have actually in the past jokingly thought to myself 'I must be asexual.' That part feels natural to me.

Then I learned about aromanticism:

"An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others - where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships."
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Aromantic

I'm not so sure that I'm this.

So, as I was writing on the AVEN forums, I started having some questions that I don't really know where to look for an answer to. I'm hoping someone here may be able to help.

* A quick note: according to AVEN, many asexual people experience attraction, just not sexual attraction. By contrast, aromantics have little or no romantic attraction to other people. My question is based around the context of aromanticism, as that is the one I am unsure of right now.

Specifically, I'd like to know a bit more about how much of a role biology plays in the teen yrs, in terms of determining attraction to another individual, engaging in sexual exploration etc. Everyone describes the teen yrs as full of raging hormones etc, as if teens are just completely unable to control their romantic/sexual desires. Now, I've never experienced any of that because I had always (from J.K, straight up to grade 12 grad) been considered a social outcast by my peer group, & I was lucky enough if I even had 'friends.' I did have some friends for a while, so it's not that I didn't lack the opportunity to engage in a relationship, I just felt no desire to. I even liked one of the boys enough that I would have dated him for the sake of dating (not necessarily out of desire but because that is what you are supposed to do @ that age).

As one of the people on AVEN pointed out, my social isolation may be playing a role in my lack of interest in a relationship. They said: "Sometimes, when you don't know/believe something is possible, it is hard to want it." So that's what has led to my questions about biology. If my biological nature was strong enough, wouldn't it have come out @ least a bit more than a couple crushes on 'nice' people by now? For example, many homosexuals who don't want to be homosexual attempt to supress their biological nature, but it is so strong that they often can't. My sexual nature/desire to have a close relationship w/someone isn't strong @ all...but if it was really strong, wouldn't it have overridden the isolated childhood & come out by now?


Answers




Hi - I haven't heard of the term 'aromantic', so thanks for bringing it up. Do you have any sexual desire, even if its to self pleasure....sorry for appearing too personal. Have you ever been diagnosed with mental illness or have any symptoms - the reason I ask is, there are some disorders where the person has no desire for social closeness or sexual intimacy...one example would be the Schizoid Personality Disorder and I'll give you a link later on.

Another thing you might want to check out are your hormone levels. You want to make sure you rule out any medical causes before deciding you fit into this Aromantic term. Asexuals feel they're born like this, the same as other orientations - meaning they don't need fixing. It would be the same for aromantics, but a person should still rule out other causes just in case they're not this. Are you happy being like this?

To address your question.....wouldn't your biological drive overrun you - this depends on what causes a person to be asexual or aromantic. This also might bother this group, because they probably don't want it questioned because they don't think its a flaw. Apparently some Asexuals do enjoy some romance and physical closeness, just not sex. How old are you? This is an interesting topic and I hope you find some answers from the website you're looking at. Here's a couple links for Schizoid Personality and one for Aromantics:

http://www.aromantic.org/

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx30.htm