I'm a certified body language/face reader. My girlfriend came home 45 mins late from work one night, and acted very odd. She adjusted her bra strap by pulling it up from her arm. When asked what had happened to make her so late, she immediately looked guilty.
She stared at the floor, kinda shuffled her feet, then as she sat on the bed, in our dimly lit room, she shielded her eyes from me.
She looked ashamed/guilty of something, but what?

She said she had given her co-worker a ride home and had gotten lost coming back.--TOTALLY believable! And I would've bought it, had she not acted oddly.

Now I'm not saying she cheated, or anything, but I KNOW she lied about what she really did. WHAT she was doing is purely skepticism.

Am I wrong for reading that? Am I wrong for being suspicious now?

My friends all said, if she does it again, THAN that's when to make a big deal, til then let it go.

We had 2 fights over it. We got thru it, but I am never wrong when spotting a liar, and I know she lied.

What should I do? If I hound it out again, it'll more than liekley end our relastionship, cuz relationships can't live without trust.

please help!
-O


Answers




Hi Eagle,

it sounds like there are serious trust issues going on in your relationship. If you're resorting to reading body language/facial expressions, that's not a good sign. You both need to figure out how you're going to foster this trust and why and how it was lost. If you really trust your partner, it wouldn't matter if she was several hours late. In addition, if a person wants to cheat they can do it any time of the day. I hope you figure this out, but please don't depend on those skills alone. Best of luck, Bella.





Eagle,

Be very careful depending on your own skills when assessing a lover. There are a lot of chances for your own fears or emotions to get amplified out of proportion to the situation.

Still, your instincts are throwing up red flags. So you've fought over the issue. What you don't say is how you approached her and specifically how she responded. Those details would help immensely. Were you neutral and noble in your questioning? "





While not "certified", I am also very sensitive to people's body language. However, I also know my self to be overly-suspicious (perhaps paranoid) and to blow things out of proportion in my mind. It's mentally exhausting trying to figure out the motives of others when their body language doesn't seem to match their words. I have learned that at the risk of getting hurt, I must take people I love at their word sometimes instead of digging until there is nothing left to fill the hole with and risk losing them. Honestly, I would let this one go. If you had asked her right away in a caring way why she was acting funny things might have been resolved. If she swears up and down that nothing went on, maybe you just have to believe her. Don't keep on stewing about this one thing if you want to keep the relationship.

However, if this is part of a sequence of events of shady behaviour, or if she has previously given you reason on several occasions to mistrust her, I would suggest getting counseling and deciding whether you should continue the relationship if she is not making an effort to make her intentions clear to you.

Sometimes you need to go with that gut feeling, and sometimes you need to run on blind faith.

Good luck.





Thank you all!

We resolved it.

And the way I asked her was in a curious tone, non-accusatory fashion. Just like "So babe, what kept ya?"- type deal.

Then my own reading spiraled out of control, admittedly.

Since then I've devised a way to NOT read people. It's incredibly difficult, but it's easier as it goes on day by day.

But she shows me all of the trust and gives me every reason to trust her, she doesn't ever act shady and is always honest and up front. So we worked past it and now we're stronger for having dealt with it.

I appreciate all of the advice here. I'm glad i came upon this forum :)

Thank you!

-E