My husband and I went out for four years and recently got married. But for the past three years, the thought of having sex with him absolutely repulsed me. He's getting frustrated with me, and I gave him permission to sleep with someone else so long as they don't have an STD, but he told me that he only wanted me. I love him, but sex hurts so much, it smells, it's inconvenient, it's messy, and I just do not do not, do NOT want to be touched. I don't even want to be kissed anymore. What's wrong with me?


3534 days ago
I feel your pain, ive been in a relationship for over 3 years and im having the same problem. Although im not sure if the problem is the sexual act itself, or your husband? do you have a sexual drive for other man? fantasies?

I think thats the first question you have to answer to yourself, either way i suggest you visit a sex therapist, its most surely all in the mind.

3533 days ago
Hi Muffy,

There is not anything necessarily wrong with you. Some people do not want sex period.

It can also be as Anarkoon said, that sometimes your sexual drive may not be on, or too on, or whatever.

I also agree that you may want to see a sex therapist, or a therapist of some kind, to discuss this issue.

Don't feel too horrible about this, unless of course, you are wanting sex, which it appears you are not. Of course, though, I would NOT be thrilled with allowing him to sleep with someone else, that might add to your existing problems.



3532 days ago
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3308 days ago
I think the key phrases that made my eyebrow raise was that "sex hurts" and "it smells" - these are not natural and should not be associated to sex. Now, if you are saying he smells or his semen smells, then that's another issue but still along the lines of giving the advise to talk to your doctor. If sex hurts, then you are not being aroused and should not be having intercourse. Why is he having sex with you if you are not physically aroused enough to lubricate your vaginal region?

Three years of marriage is not a very long time; however, women losing interest in sex especially as she ages or after she has had children is a common issue.

I would highly suggest talking to your husband about this problem (not right after he asks you if you wanna go 'do it') but at a more appropriate, nowhere near bedtime time... Find out his thoughts on the relationship and how he feels the sex is. You cannot know his true throughts without talking.

As for the pain and smell, I would highly suggest talking to your gynecologist. If it is anything more than just lack of physical arousal, then he/she would be able to help identify the problem. If his semen smells, then I would suggest having him see his physician as well to try and pinpoint what is up.

The other sounds very psychological but it also sounds like a few aspects of your sex life are medical in some sense and you won't know until you find out.

Good luck and God bless


3234 days ago
May I ask you a question? Have you maybe been sexually abused when you were a child? I have had problems with sex for as long as I can remember and I found out, in therapy that was the reason. Just a suggestion. Not a diagnosis.