I am writing about my husband who had a TBI 6 years ago. It was a contra-coop (?) type injury. Ice skating accident. Not his first concussion. He was in NICU for 10 days, so it was very serious. He recovered very well physically. Mentally too, to anyone who would just meet him on the street. However, to me who is the only one who lives with him it is much different. He is very moody, gets angry about things that I don't understand, for instance he has terrible road rage but refuses to let me drive. He gets so angry at family about silly things and holds a grudge forever. He also seems to be trying to isolate me from my family and friends. This is a second marriage for both of us, but we have been married for 25 years. We have 5 children between us (I have 2, he has 3). He is so nasty to my kids that they don't want to come here. He's not very nice to his own kids quite oftern too. He is VERY sarcastic and cannot keep friends. And as I look over the years, he trys to push mine away as well. He does this to family as well. I know he is depressed but he says he isn't. He has no ambition so I do everything.He goes off by himself and sits and reads for hours. If I wouldn't say anything he would wait 4-5 days to shower. His memory is so bad, but he doesn't know it so he wants to argue about things that to me don't make any sense or are trivial. I am getting very worn out. It is worse than taking care of a child. When he had the TBI, the Neurosurgeon talked to me about his drinking alcohol. He said he could tell on the brain scan that he was a heavy drinker and explained what it was doing to his brain. He was drinking about 6 beers a night at that time. I talked to my husband later when he could understand about this. He didn't drink for a while, then slowly increased his consumption. Now he drinks anywhere from 6-10 beers a night again. He gets nasty the more he drinks. His family doctor prescribed Celexa for him a few years ago. I had gone with him to the doctor and taked to him about his moods. he prescribed 10mg. After a couple years he increased it to 20mg. It definatly helped, however that increase was a couple years ago. Now that doctor has left and closed his practice, and the next doctor my husband was seeing also has left his practice. It is really difficult to get him to see a doctor and especially when it means finding a new one. I have taked to him about seeing a doctor or counselor and he says there is no way. Also, his mother had mental issues. She was in and out of mental hospitals his whole life. She was never able to live on her own. I know he taks about her sitting in a dark room watching tv, old movies for hours. I don't know what the diagnosis was for her. She has passed away years ago. His father died when he was 15. I feel like I could go on and on but I won't. Thank you.


2056 days ago
Hi dyna - so sorry you dealing with all this stress and sorry to hear about this brain injury. Just so you know we're not doctors here but I would say to look at his TBI but there's obviously other factors like the drinking and family history. My now deceased brother ended up with alcohol related dementia. he really needs to stop the drinking because this can literally make holes in the brain after long term abuse. Its also well know brain injury can cause psychological problems.

I understand how this must be wearing on you - I'm sure you're torn between wanting to pack it all in and not wanting to give up. We have a sister forum here called Neurotalk and they have section specifically for brain injury, where you would find caring support. Ultimately if he's not willing to get help and take those steps, you'll need to think of saving yourself. Here's the link to that forum and I hope it gets better.


2056 days ago

so sorry to hear of what both you and your husband have been through

If he has had even one concussion, that can cause dramatic mental changes...more than one can be a total transformation.

I do suggest your post at the TBI/PCS forum at Neurotalk as there are both patients and their loved ones there who can offer support and guidance

here is the direct link to that forum http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum92.html

2054 days ago
Hi Dyna,

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having. As I'm sure you know TBI's are very complex and confusing traumas. It sounds like your husbands TBI certainly impacted his state of mind. It could be because of the brain areas that were affected, but it is probably partially because of certain other factors like his drinking history. Also, your husband probably has a lot of frustration built up about having a TBI whether he realizes it or not. I know a couple people with TBI's and they often get frustrated by things that are difficult for them to do because of their TBI.

I would encourage you to continue to ask him to talk to a doctor/therapist about his drinking and moods, even if he continues to refuse. Also there are many support groups which may be helpful for you. Al-Anon is a great one for close family members/friends of alcoholics. I'm sure you could find one for family members of people with TBI's also. Good luck!