I'm 20 years old, female. I have BPD and always ruin my relationships. I get really paranoid and start accusing him of cheating, lying, wanting to leave me, etc. Even though I have no proof, other than just a "gut feeling." Then I regret it the next day and wind up apologizing profusely. I call, text, email, IM, voice mail, etc. When he ignores me, I get angry and say mean things again. Then I cry and apologize, get angry, apologize, get angry, etc... Pathetic, I know. Then he usually just winds up blocking my phone/email all together.

I've only been in 2 serious relationships. The other ones I ruined before we ever had a chance to become serious. I guess what I'd like to know is, what advice would you give me for dating? How long should I wait before warning him about my "temper tantrums?" Any tips for helping me resist the impulse to push him away with accusations? Signs that he is/isn't right?

I've also been diagnosed with bipolar II, but I'm starting to feel like my bipolar symptoms are actually due to BPD.


2321 days ago
Hi eleanor-rigby - I hope you don't mind, I had a little chuckle at your description of the frustrating pattern you find yourself in. I realize this is serious though and its very good you recognize this......which is the start of gaining control. Are you on medication or in therapy - if not I suggest you look into that, since therapy would allow you to bounce if your suspicions.

I recommend filtering yourself and learning patience. Naturally men/women get put off when a partners too needy and controlling. If you don't have facts to back up your behavior then just let it go. Do some slow deep breathing and think before you talk or act. Ask yourself is this vitally important and learn to give your partner some space - meaning don't insist on solving a problem that moment and don't repeatedly send texts, emails or make excessive phone calls.

You can look up fighting fairly websites but both partners need to participate for it to work well. Remember a partners not a possession. You can also post your problems in the forum section - they have a borderline personality forum where you can vent about problems and get feedback before you jump into another disagreement. You're doing a positive thing in recognizing where you have the problem. Best of luck and I hope you find a healthy relationship.