Hi all,

I'm new to this place and I'm so confused so please bear with me...

In 2007 I was diagnosed with BPD after taking an overdose and staying in a mental hospital for a few weeks. I agreed with the diagnosis and still do to an extent. In 2008 I had group therapy and tackled a lot of my childhood and past issues but after the therapy finished, due to a lack of support from professionals, I regressed significantly. I felt depressed for about a month and was referred for support. The doctor said I had agitated depression and gave me lamotrigine. I stopped sleeping and felt extremely agitated all the time. I found it difficult to be around my then 4 y/o son and after 6 days of no sleep I took my boy to nursery and then I ran away. I was all over the place, drinking and hyperactive. My friend bought me back (I'd gone quite far away) and in the short I was sectioned. The diagnosis of Bipolar disorder was mentioned to me a few times but nothing ever came of it.

In 2009 i had my second child and things got so much better, i even got a new job which ive been at for over a year. But In october i started to feel depressed again so i took a few weeks off work. I also started one on one therapy last July. Anyway i went back to work in November but by December i felt even more depressed and my therapist said i was going through a 'crisis' and reffered me for extra support.

So about 2 weeks ago one Friday night i didnt sleep and from there i was on a high everyday, agitated but very energetic, blasting out my music and having sex with male and females, spending money and smoking weed. One day i danced till my body itched and freaked out so much i scratched my body till i bled. My therapist has been calling me everyday and says im having a 'manic breakdown' and a few ppl have said i keep talking too fast and seem very agitated. Ive been cleaning at all hours of the night and didnt wanna take meds cos i was enjoying it too much.

The weed really calms me down but i started the meds as the high seems to be wearing off and the agitation feels horrible...
Anyway i now feel like im 'crashing' cos i feel so depressed and cant seem to move out of my chair or peave my house. I know diagnosis arent as important as getting the right treatment but i cant help but wanna know if this is bipolar disorder or not. I feel like i would be more prepared if this happens again seeing as its happened twice now...sorry for the long post!


2270 days ago
Hi - we're not doctors but from your description, it sounds like you're bipolar. Did the doctor diagnose you with bipolar or borderline personality disorder?? Often the abbreviated letters are confusing. You describe typical manic and unpredictable behavior. Do you have custody of both your children. I realize some with bipolar actually enjoy some aspects of the manic phase and this is why med compliance is a problem.

You need to be on regular meds that work for you and in therapy. Your doctor needs to monitor these mood highs and lows, so he/she can adjust your meds if necessary. A person can have more than 1 diagnosis, so you should discuss this with your doctor. You've been through a lot and I hope the future is better for you.

2270 days ago

I am glad you therapist is calling you daily to check on you and I do hope you get an accurate diagnosis and correct treatment.

I am a bit concerned about you children through all this though. Do you have someone trustworthy watching over them ? as I realize that you may not be in the best place to do so right now. It may also be very traumatic for them to see you in a manic phase.

2270 days ago
I am really struggling with the kids, only good thing is they are out from 8am-6pm at school and nursery. So while off work im by myself during the day.

The mental health team informed social services about whats been going on which im unhappy about, but i do feel like i need a break. My therapist suggested a short stay in hospital which im considering. He seems to be the only person who is listening and taking me seriously as in the past, having borderline personality disorder means that in my experience its all just attention seeking behaviour.

And no i havent been diagnosed as Bipolar as yet but if i am, then believe this is my second 'up episode' with a 'down' episode in between. If theyd diagnosed me when it happened 3 years ago, we would all have seen this coming or been able to treat it quicker. Ive not been on any regular meds until yesterday (semi-sodium valproate).

Im thinking staying in a hotel tonight as i feel like im coming off a high and cant seem to move any part of my body without great effort!