I just found this site and need help desperately. Please be compassionate in your answers as this is a very sensitive subject to me. I also do appreciate honesty, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think as long as it is said in a compassionate way. Thank you so much in advance.
I am in my mid-twenties and I have suffered from extreme insecurity for years now. I have been with my husband for years and we truly love each other, but my insecurity is starting to take a toll on our relationship. I get feelings of intense self-hatred and insecurity. I compare myself to other women constantly. I believe that my husband doesn't find me beautiful. If he tells me I am beautiful I say that he is lying. I never feel beautiful or sexy. I have stopped enjoying life. I feel like I live inside a shell, trying to protect myself from everything and everyone.
If we walk past a billboard with a half-naked woman I start accusing my husband of finding her more attractive than me. And then I hate myself for having said that but I won't apologize.
I hate doing this to my husband. I hate doing this to myself. And deep down I know that I am an attractive woman. I just never seem to feel that I am "good enough". There is always somebody with a prettier face, prettier body, somebody that I think would be more my husband's type.
I get severe anxiety and depression because of these feelings. I have tried Buddhist approaches, which have helped me a lot with other issues in my life, but these feelings persist. I have tried journaling, reading about it.. nothing helps. I love my husband and I want to make things better for his sake and for mine. I can't keep on hating myself and letting my insecurities ruin my life.
I had a happy childhood. I am the second youngest. I just can't figure out where these feelings come from. All my ex boyfriends have treated me well. I have never been left. Nobody has ever broken my heart. Please help me. I don't know what else to do. I guess if I figured out where these feelings come from I could treat the root of it.
Please help.


3012 days ago

this must be very hard for you, but be encouraged that by recognizing that you have a problem, you are on the path to solving it! It is good that you are doing journaling and other things to help yourself

where we can try to give advice on building self esteem and overcoming negative feelings toward yourself etc...it cannot substitute for the one on one therapy that you can get from a trained professional counselor. Psychotherapy would provide you a safe, one on one environment to discuss what you feel and then enable you to work thru those feelings step by step to try to find the root of your insecurities.

3012 days ago
Chemar has given you some good advice there.

I will add that you have been trying several methods to help you overcome these issues but none are helping you deal with your issues of insecurity.

Now is the time to seek out the help of a psychologist that help you to manage your emotions, thoughts and feelings. They will help you learn new skills and you can put these into place. You sound like someone who can really benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I recommend you google it if you are not sure of what this is about.

Don' wait too much longer, because things aren't going to get any better until seek out the help of a professional.

I hope this helps.

[email protected]
2973 days ago
man,....my girlfriend is the same way...like i just dont know if she does becuase she trully is threatened by other woman or if she does it to justify her own actions outside the relationship or maybe because she needs me to see that she is insecure. i try the your buetiful, thoughtful "nice outfit" flowers all the things that you girls like to "feel" loved or appreciated. but im so confused. last night a woman was puumping gas and she caught m7y eye because of the geek mobile she was driving but I wwasnt staring at her in a way that I would think my girlfriend would feel threat3ned by. every time a look I am met with the same hostiles like"want me to get her number" or go be with her. then it puts me in an awkward spot becuase now I am embarrasse too.. it is so fustrating, is it maybe becuase she does the same and she feels the need to put it on me in order for her to justify doing the same thing? HELP US>>>>>>>>>>