I've been married for 10 years and I dated my husband for 7 years before we got married. My husband has been recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder and he is getting worse every day. This last 3 days he went to hopital with panic attacks and he says he just wants to die so that his pain can go away. He went to a psychiatrist so he is medicated. However, I feel his symptoms are getting worse and he is is always angry at everything and everyone. He does not want anyone in his family to help him or talk with him. He says he just wants to be alone and sleep.
Last weekend he told me he wanted to leave home, to live alone for a while in order to find out what his feelings are about me. However, he tells me he still needs me and he is constantly asking me to help him undestand and heal this problem. Even so, he only wants the help HE requests, no other help is welcome and he reacts with anger whenever I do something good for him. On the other hand, if I don't do anything, he blames me for not caring enough.
I had to deal with serious problems by myself recently (loosing 2 pregnancies at 18 and 5 weeks within 4 months) as he didn't want to support me because "I made him feel bad with my problems".
Now I realize that he was already depressed at the time and seeing me crying all the time made him feel worse and useless (I think!), but he didn't know how to help and, I guess, wasn't feeeling well too.
I'm still trying to cope with my own problems, although I think I'm much better know. I found a support group online that was very helpful.
All being said, I feel very lonely in this task of trying to help him and help me also. How can I help him feel better and how can I avoid that he addresses all his anger towards me? He now says that I make him feel worse. I already lost 2 babies I don't want to loose my husband too. Should I let him go? Should I convince him to stay? Can anyone help me help my husband.
I love him very much and I don't want to loose him.
Thank you!


2503 days ago
Hi cprib - I'm very sorry you lost 2 pregnancies and sorry you're also struggling with your husband. Did anything happen in your husbands life that triggered this anxiety....for example trouble at work or family illness, like a parent being sick? I'm sorry you don't feel supported with your own loss and please try not to take it personal, that he can't be there for you.He's very overwhelmed with his own feelings and this over shadows everything ATM.

Is he also getting regular therapy to learn coping techniques for the panic attacks. I don't think you should support him leaving and I think this is his way of dealing with feeling overwhelmed - meaning he gets the feeling he wants to run away from his problems.

For now I suggest you keep supporting him when he asks for it and try to be patient in other areas. For the person having the panic attack, it feels very scary and it hard to soothe them when they're in the midst of an attack. He can learn coping techniques to self soothe along with regular therapy.

One of the pivotal points in dealing with a panic attack, is when the person realizes THEY can control what's happening with their body. When a panic attack happens they feel totally out of control and this is when they feel like they're in danger. The trick is learning how to nip the beginning symptoms before it gets out of hand. Another helpful tip is accepting the feelings when they come - this means letting it come and realizing it's not that bad. Just so you know we're not doctors or therapists - I did suffer from panic attacks as a child, so I do know what it feels like.

There's a supplement I've heard good things about called GABA and I'll give you a link for this along with some other links. If course his doctor should approve all supplements first. I hope it gets better for both of you.




2503 days ago
Hi Bella

Thank you for your reply. My husband is under a lot of stress everyday in his job. As a perfectionist, he wants everyone to do things as he expects it to be done. I now think that he has been on and off depression for quite some years now. I guess since his mother died almost 8 years ago. It was since then that he became more distant and less concerned with what others feel or want.

As for his panick attacks, I think what triggered them was being locked up in our car alone. The car somehow locked up all doors and windows when he tried to start it. The car was very hot and he felt like dying inside. Since then he has been afraid to be in closed spaces.

However, now, these panick attacks come with no obvious reason. He just feels like dying.

As for therapy, he has not yet started it, he is just taking some medication that I think is making him even worse.

I'll check the supplements you mention. I sincerely hope he can be cured so that we may get on with our lives and be a happy couple again.

Onde again, thank you for replying.