MY wife and I have been married for 16 years, and we have 4 children. She was diagnosed with Bipolar 5 years ago after she was caught having affair (this was not the first time) My wife had a very troubling upbringing, her father was never there, and her mom kind of abandoned her. At the age of 14 she was in a relationship with a man who was 28 years old, he played the father figure in her life as well as her lover for the next three years, when he abruptly left. She has been dealing with these abandonment issues for the last 16 years, she recently sort him out and found. They slept together again, but she told me it was only one time. She is having a hard time letting go of him, even though it hurting me as well as our children. She states he was the only person she was emotionally attached. (she states this is was one of the causes for the affairs, because she has been searching for those feelings) She states that she loves me and wants to be with me, and wants to keep our family intact, but she needs time to sort out these feelings. She has returned to therapy and is trying to get closure. I'm having a hard time seeing a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm not sure if I have the patience to see this out, because I'm not sure what she really wants? She has told me the only reason she's still in this marriage is because of the children? but then she tells me she loves me, but just not very compassionate. I'm confused to what I should do, besides this situation we have been managing the ups and downs of our disorder as best as possible.


2297 days ago
I can only imagine how very hard this must be for you.

Where I can understand her struggles and why she may feel this attachment to that man, yet that is not cause for her to be unfaithful to you.

Is your wife on correct medication for the Bipolar? It is good that she has returned to therapy as it seems this is something she should be in on an ongoing basis.

It is hard to advise you as my personal feeling is that I could not live in a relationship where my partner was having a relationship with someone else, but I realize there are circumstances that make this an unusual situation. Still, I feel she needs to make a decision. She either wants to keep your marriage and family intact, or she wants to be with him (that is if he wants a committed relationship with her) But she cannot have it both ways. JMHO

2297 days ago
I'm very sorry you're going through this too. Is your wife taking regular medication? Its very important for her to be medicated because if she's not, some people with bipolar disorder become hyper-sexual and their judgement becomes more lax when they're in this stage. She also needs to be in regular therapy to address her issues.

Perhaps you and your wife should get into couples counseling - you need to know if there's hope in her ending this affair/s and hope in the marriage. You can't hang on forever and her illness isn't an excuse for unfaithful behavior.

2297 days ago
Yes she's taking her meds regularly, but we're not sure if they're working. The psch Dr. she goes to seems more like a pill pusher instead of trying to help her get the right meds. She states she wants us to work, but she just needs time to root out these feelings.

2292 days ago
Marriage counseling, no doubt! Seems like the only way given the complex issues involved.