iv been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 and a half months now. he very quickly became the most important thing in my life and i love him more than anything. i use 2 b a very negative person but iv slowly changed into a happy positive person, partially thanks to my boyfriend. the problem is, is that every time things seem to be going very very well (when it seems like nothing could possibly go wrong)he will decide there's some sort of reason the relationship isn't working for him. and usually they are completely irrational things. for example, a few weeks ago he decided he was going to be angry at me because he had had a bad dream about me and apparently i was being horrible to him in the dream. that's a regular occurrence and he will be very distant from me for up to a hole 2 days!. and apart from that he says things like he has trust issues, and that hes afraid that I'm going to leave him and get board of him so he doesn't want to get attached. and of course iv tried reassuring him but it just doesn't seem to work. and i find myself feeling very unsafe because even when everything seems perfect he always comes up with something that's not working for him. and the thing that's really set me off, is that over the past month, everything has been going amazingly between us, then all of a sudden as we where settling down to watch a movie last night, he says to me "you know we cant last forever" then that lead on to a discussion where we got to the eventual conclusion that hes getting bored of me. hes mentioned that he feels trapped and that he likes the idea of being single. hes very shy with girls and nearly a year ago had convinced himself that he didn't need love and that it didn't exist. hes also said he has trust issues. iv been trying quite hard to come up with solutions to it all but even the obvious solutions don't seem to work. what can i do? should i really push him to go and see a counselor or something?


3253 days ago

if your re-assurance isn't enough, then he's the one who has solve this within himself - in other words YOU can't fix him. He sounds insecure, afraid of commitment and worried about abandonement - he appears to be confused about the relationship.

You sound like you're young and I remember what young love feels like - intense devotion and you feel like they're your whole life. Let me teach you, that it's not healthy to think this way. You can love him, but don't put your whole existance into the relationship because if you split up then your self esteem will suffer.

It's hard to be completely objective, without knowing his perspective. Regarding the dream situation - that was very immature to blame you for what happened in his dream. It could be he's struggling with trust, abandonement etc. because of the way he was raised. It's also possible that he may be playing head games and looking for reassurance. I really think he confused and is afraid of commitment and that's why he sabotages things when the relationship is going well. You could suggest a counselor, but I don't know if he would be willing.

I don't think that you should feel bad and take it personally. If he keeps saying that he doesn't want to be together, then I would let him go. To alienate you for his bad dream - that's sad! You don't want to be with someone who treats you badly and doesn't know what he wants. It's not your job to FIX him.

I think that you should make sure that your life is full in other ways. Make sure you stay connected to family and friends, that way if you do split up, you won't feel lost. Don't let him put you on a emotional rollercaoster. Best of luck to you. :)

3246 days ago
He definitely has to fix this problem on his own. Its his life, make him understand you want to be part of it, but only in a good way, and for mostly good times.

Try to find ways to make yourself feel better in the transition.