I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he has been separated from his wife for four years. He spoke with his divorce lawyer, a few days ago, and learned that he is in fact still married to his wife. He didn't know (or so I think) that his divorce was never finalized.

Apparently, two years ago, he paid his lawyer $2500 to finalize the divorce, but, according to his lawyer, that money was used to settle the custody agreement for their five-year-old son. My boyfriend told his lawyer that the money was to be used on the divorce, specifically, and that he and his wife would arrange the custody issue. I am not at all familiar with divorce law, but is there a type of protocol where people who want to divorce must separate, arrange custody, then divorce? Is my boyfriend's lawyer at fault for not abiding by his wishes? Is my boyfriend at fault for not following up on this or talking to his lawyer about the process?

What's bothering me the most is how can I trust my boyfriend if he cannot follow up on important matters like his divorce? I know he has no feelings for his wife since it was a messy separation, but how could he not know if he's not divorced? He has always been honest with me and I don't see a need for him to lie to me. In fact, he had the courage to tell me in person that he had found out so I got to give him a little credit, right? I have already told him that if he wants to be with me he has to get the divorce. I am giving him a deadline to fulfill it, but I just don't know what to do in the meantime. I love him very much, but I cannot be with someone who is still legally married to another. Should I wait and see what happens or should I just cut my losses and tell him to call me when he is officially divorced. I am so beyond confused and don't know what to do.


3033 days ago
I honestly dont know about divorce/custody proceedings but it does surprise me that he didnt follow up about the divorce sooner as he must have signed paperwork?? Lawyers dont usually make decisions without their client's consent so the loawyer must have had his consent to use the funds for the custody ?? but as I say I am not familiar with those legal matters


I do think you are absolutely correct to give him a deadline for finalizing this divorce

this must be very upsetting for you. i hope it all gets resolved quickly

3033 days ago
I think it is vital that you give him a deadline as well. I wouldnt say may it tomorrow, but I definitely would say by X amount of months, if you dont see any or all progress, you are gone.

But, of course, that is entirely up to you.



3032 days ago
Something sounds fishy here. He's been separated a for 4 yrs and he's just finding out now, he's not divorced? I find that hard to believe - didn't he ever wonder why he never signed divorce papers??? I agree with Clyde and Chemar in giving him a deadline to get things rolling in finalizing divorce. I don't think he was telling you the whole truth and was worried about telling you, so he lied. I think he knew exactly what was going on.