Help! I need some advice. This is kind of complicated. I have a best friend who has a 14 ½ year old daughter. I have always been VERY close with her, she is like a daughter to me. Her mom and dad divorced when she was 6 years old, and she lives with her mom. Her dad gets her every other weekend and I always spend time with them on his weekends. Her dad recently moved 3 hours away so he doesn’t see her much now. I still however see her regularly always try to be there for her, for anything that she needs.

She has been dating this boy for about 6 months now. I ask her about their relationship every so often and try to be very supportive of it. She has been pretty open with me about their ups and downs and I have trusted what she was telling me. She tends to feel more comfortable talking to me about these things then her mom, and especially her dad.

This is the problem. I did something that I am very ashamed of. I took her and 2 of her friends out for a day of fun. She asked me to hold her phone while they were busy having fun. She has a passcode on her phone but I have always been able to guess her passcodes pretty easy. I was curious of how serious she really was about this boy so I looked at a text thread she had with him (I know, it was a horrible thing to do and I truly regret it).

I was completely shocked at what I found. It turns out that about 2 or 3 days earlier she lost her virginity to this boy. The text thread was VERY graphic and could not be mistaken. It also revealed that they had unprotected sex (the pullout method). This just made me sick to my stomach.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront her with this in some way? If I do she will probably hate me forever for reading her personal text messages. Do I have a responsibility to tell her mom or dad? Her dad would probably dismiss it, while her mom would FREAK OUT. Should I just keep it to myself? Please help.


2127 days ago
Hi - I understand its scary the way young teens are having sex sooner than before and yes you're in an awkward spot. I can see you know it wasn't good to look at her phone, yet you did have some good intentions. If you tell her - she'll never trust you and you can't tell her mom without the daughter knowing.

This might be an option - ease your way in the conversation casually. For example, you could ask if her mom or school has talked about sex education and birth control?? Then you could tell a story about someone you knew who used ineffective methods and got pregnant. Wait and see if she has any questions. Concentrate on how important it is, to practice safe sex and how hard it is to end up pregnant.

2127 days ago
Hey there.

Bella gave great advice, I think. I would probably throw in something towards the end of the conversation along the lines of "Well, you know if you need me you can talk to me about anything" or something like that. I don't think she'll miss the point, but it won't implicate that you know, if that makes any sense.

I am sorry you are in this position. I know it has to be hard on you. :( I will keep both you and this girl in my prayers.