I'm 26 years old. I prefer not to use my real name, for safety reasons. When I was in high school, I got bullied a lot, which I couldn't take well. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schitzophrenia when I was a junior in high school. I never went out as a kid like most did, in fact my highlights for high-school were finishing the Iliad and making cookies by myself. I was always alone, mostly because I was precieved as violent, which wasn't true, I just couldn't discern the voices in my head from what was real until later. Its still hard now. I didn't really date much in high-school, mostly because I never went out and was afraid someone would learn my disorder. My family wasn't any help, in fact my father openly admits that he had my siblings pretty much torture me to "toughen me up", because he felt I was soft. My only real friend was my beagle, Daisy, who died recently, and of whom I am still heartbroken. I have always felt alone, and for the most part I accept it. I try to work when I can, if for no other reason then I hate sitting alone at home, but most mental health day programs are more depressing. I still have few real friends. One girl I met, "Mary", we met during a mutual stay in the hospital. I had attempted suicide, because I was trying to get away from my family again. She was there for a similar reason, and bugging out. We. Hatted, and I though we got close. We promised to stay friends when we got out, and for someone who has a hard time making friends, I felt like I found someone who understood me. There was a while where I thought. I had romantic feelings for her, but then I realized that what I was interperiting as romantic was actually the first real friendship I'd ever had, andnot knowing how to view it, I got confused. We recently stopped talking because of unknown reasons. I found out she had become pregnant, and opted for an abortion, which must have been hard on her. But what hurts me is she just stopped talking to me altogether. Now I feel hurt, and concerned, and angery, and worried. Every voice in my year is saying to forget her, but my heart won't let me. It that right?


2014 days ago
Hi there

are you in therapy and under treatment for the bipolar and schizophrenia? You should be as both are conditions that are very hard to manage without professional care.

Remember that the girl you became close to may have stopped talking not because of anything related to you but because of the trauma in her own life.

I would like to suggest that you join our forum section as you will be able to connect with others there who deal with the same conditions and who can help you be part of the support groups there. It really helps to be able to be part of groups that understand. Just click COMMUNITY top right of this page and register for the forums. Once there, you will see the sections for Schizophrenia and Bipolar, along with a lot more.

and PS yes, you should never ever use your real name online.